Being nervous around horses and riding is very common, they are large animals that can potentially hurt us. The trap we fall into is believing there is something wrong with us and we just need to be braver and learn to push through and then all will be well. I’ve got really good news for you, you do not need to be brave to be confident and safe around horses. What you do need to develop is patience, the ability to regulate your own emotions and good observational skills.
It is entirely logical to feel nervous around horses and riding them when you’ve had frightening experiences. There is nothing wrong with you. We are told very early on that “horses are unpredictable”. I disagree, horses are very predictable once you learn to read and understand equine behaviour. I see so many falls and explosions that would have been completely preventable if it had been recognised that the horse wasn’t feeling okay and the situation had been de-escalated before it got to that point.
There is a sort of stoic “just get on with it” mentality that seeps throughout the equine world which is rarely good for us or our horses. Working in opposition with a horse is very unlikely to build your confidence and is in fact more likely to result in scary behaviour.
I had been working with a client of mine to steadily build their confidence jumping, they were jumping grids and small, simple jumps within their ability happily and decided to try a fun clinic advertised for all levels. It was all going well until the trainer encouraged them to jump something bigger with a substantial filler underneath, my client repeatedly said they weren’t comfortable but they were pressured with “it’ll be fine! You’ll feel great once you do it!”. So they eventually attempted the jump despite really not wanting to, the horse backed off because he could feel the tension, he almost stopped then jumped awkwardly getting yanked in the mouth then the rider slamming down on his back and falling off as they didn’t have the balance or strength to stay on an awkward jump like that yet. They were both set up to fail by well-meaning encouragement and their confidence took a huge knock, it just shouldn’t have happened, yet this happens all the time and we then blame ourselves for not being good or brave enough.
It can be extremely hard to navigate when you’re feeling so anxious and everyone has their well-meaning advice. I would recommend to find someone to help you who doesn’t make you feel scared, the trust will be built over time if they keep setting you and your horse up to succeed and then they will be able to push you gently when its appropriate. Have a look at their own horses/other clients and see if things seem quiet and relaxed, or is there a lot of conflict and stress going on? The industry at large is still terrible at reading behaviour and recognising stress in horses, training and riding should not feel scary to you or your horse.
I talk often about breaking things down into the smallest steps when training our horses, we need to do the same for ourselves. That 90cm show jumping course or that 2 hour solo hack stop looking so out of reach when we break things down enough and just focus on enjoying the journey.
While these things may help with your feelings of anxiety, no amount of breathing exercises, herbal remedies or therapy can replace developing a good understanding of equine behaviour so you aren’t setting yourself up to fail in the first place. Horses can be enjoyable for everyone and they can enjoy being with us too. 🐴
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