Relationship building

When we get a new horse or perhaps want to start building a better relationship with a horse we’ve had for a while we can get caught up in doing things that we perceive to be “nice” for the horse but perhaps aren’t enjoyable for that individual horse at the moment.

For example one of my horses absolutely loves and appreciates scratches and will stand and enjoy them for as long as you have the energy to keep scratching. But my other horse will occasionally enjoy a scratch in a specific area but he is very quick to tell me he is done and leave, if I was to prevent him from leaving and continue to scratch him just because I decided it was nice and something he should enjoy, he would find that to be unpleasant and it would potentially damage our relationship.

Often when I’m meeting clients with new horses in their efforts to help their horse settle and build a relationship with them they are trying to spend a lot of time grooming the horse, as we are told grooming is a nice thing to do for horses. However many horses perhaps have discomfort in the body or are just feeling stressed and defensive and do not want to be touched so much at the moment. So grooming can actually be an unpleasant and perhaps even upsetting experience for a horse in that moment depending how they’re feeling.

When we stop worrying about what our horses “should” enjoy and start treating our horses as individuals and meeting them where they’re at, we can build a really solid relationship that our horse feels safe in. I want my horse to know that I listen to them and that I am safe to be around. Many horses have never had any autonomy or been listened to, you get tied up, you get groomed, you get tacked up and you get ridden and it doesn’t matter how you feel about any of it. With these horses one of the most powerful things you can do to help them feel better is listen to them when they say no and stop. Then you can build up a co-operative relationship from the new foundations.

Some general advice if you’d like to build a better relationship with your horse

🐴 Make sure their needs are met with friends, forage, freedom

🐴 Just hang out with them and observe them where they’re comfortable and don’t ask for anything

🐴 Don’t take them far away from their friends if they find that too stressful at the moment, maybe you can spend time with them just outside the field or take a friend in with you

🐴 Do fun, no pressure enrichment activities like treat scatters or hand-browsing walks so your horse can make choices and start to build positive associations with spending time with you

🐴 Find out what kind of touch your horse likes, if any, do they have a particularly itchy spot? Or would they prefer you kept touch to a minimum at the moment?

🐴 Get really good at observing and reading your horse. If you reach your hand up to touch part of their body do they tense up, flinch or go to move away? If you stop scratching them do they lean back in trying to find your hand?

We are so conditioned by the industry to feel entitled to horses bodies to the point we cannot recognise that not everything we think is nice is actually nice for that horse in that moment. Continuing to insist on petting/patting/stroking/scratching/grooming a horse who clearly wants you to stop is teaching them that you don’t listen and they have no choice and you just end up either shutting down that communication or they have to get louder. Pulling faces at you or trying to move away is not them trying to dominate you, they are communicating their discomfort and we need to listen.

Horses like people who are consistently calm and safe to be around and people who they have repeated pleasant experiences with. Its just figuring out what that looks like for you horse.

What kind of things do you do simply for your horse’s enjoyment? 🐴